When I was an NBC Page, 1 thing was constant, Don Pardo, the longtime voice of SNL would always say “Hi” to me whenever I saw him around 30 Rock. I was introduced to Mr. Pardo by my friend and ‘Page Mentor’ Jonathan Accarrino, and we often found ourselves together in empty conference rooms (after ‘big shot’ meetings we weren’t invited to), each of us stuffing our faces with the leftover cheese and crackers.
"We scored big time today, Mr. Pardo."
"I’d say we did!"
Merry times! Thanks for the memories. RIP Mr. Pardo
All I can think of now is Don Pardo announcing different cheeses.
"Featuring PPPEPPPPER JACK."
3:06 pm • 19 August 2014 • 4 notes
Focus achieved: Watching this and listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t09higEubD8
11:21 am • 19 August 2014 • 93,446 notes
So glamorous. So present. The grandmother of pug performance art.
This is great.
8:17 pm • 18 August 2014 • 244 notes
1. Eric Garner executed on July 17th, 2014. Put in illegal choke hold and strangled by the NYPD
2. Pregnant lady gets put in an illegal chokehold by an NYPD officer for “illegally grilling” while her seven year old daughter watches July 27th, 2014
3. NYPD enters wrong house and drags a naked woman across the floor, then pepper sprays her four year old grandson August 2nd, 2014.
4. Man shot and killed by police for holding a toy gun in a Walmart, Dayton, Ohio - August 6th, 2014
5. Unarmed Black teen shot ten times by the Ferguson Police while walking home with his friend from the convenience store - August 9th, 2014
Since July 17th there has been five reported occurrences exemplifying the police and American justice system’s lack of reverence for Black life. These are the five stories that were able to attract at least minimal attention. Who knows what is going on out there covered up (like the Ferguson police is trying to do with Mike Brown’s murder), unrecorded, and unknown. In the past 23 days the police have perpetrated the humiliation, degradation, and murdering of Black dignity,souls, and people. Knowledge is power. Do not rely on mainstream media to give you the full/accurate story. They will always be complicit in the devaluing of Black life because Blackness has been criminalized in America. Please spread these stories and add any more that you know of under the hashtag #badges are the new hoods. We need to start documenting, and spreading information. They will try to silence us as they did to Ramsey Orta, and Alba Lekaj, the people who filmed the NYPD harasing and murdering Eric Garner. But united we can make a difference. Knowledge is power. Stay woke Black America, Stay woke.
this happened in the past 23 days
10:13 pm • 13 August 2014 • 55,584 notes
Sequel Concepts To Come After The Inevitable James Brown Biopic
I wrote this in 2007. McSweeney’s rightly declined — it was not terribly funny but it was AHEAD OF ITS TIME. I am available to write a dumb thing about Google Glass that will be relevant in 2023.
JB2: Judgement Day
Future Cyborg James Brown travels back in time to the past to battle Past Cyborg James Brown in a fight of funkiness. However, humanity acknowledges the awesome power of two James Browns, and world peace ensues under a banner of funky good times and hot pants for all. Unfortunately, Past Cyborg JB gets Linda Blair addicted to crack.
James Brown Begins
We learn of the early kung-fu training of James Brown necessary to
ascend the throne to become the Godfather of Soul. Funky monastic
montages with Liam Neeson culminate in a battle against the evil
soulless singer, Billy Joel. The Hardest Working Man in Show Business
is victorious, and Joel is run over repeatedly by an elevated train
driven by Fred Wesley to the tune of the roller-skating classic “(It’s
Not The Express) It’s The JBs Monaurail (Part 1)”.
After topping the charts, the Minister of The New New Super Heavy Funk
hits hard times and is upstaged by a monotone Russian soul singer.
Encouraged by his friend Apollo Creed, James goes to rural Russia to
get back to the funky basics, and triumphantly regains his title by
performing “Livin’ In America” in the ring. Some kind of boxing
competition happens, but the credits roll with the Soul Brother Number
One marrying Brigitte Nielsen in an American flag cape and doing the
Apollo James Brown
After takeoff, disaster ensues with the Apollo space mission as the
capsule has (what appears to be) fatal problems. Engineers race to fix
the issue, but success comes only when a young James Brown appears and screams orders such as “Do it like a sex machine”, “Get it funky in
your own way!”, “Treat your daughter right!”, and “Get on up!”. Upon
landing, JB spins three times and does the splits after feigning
A Mighty Funky Heart
In a controversial casting choice, Brad Pitt is picked to play the
role of James. We learn the shocking revelation that Gerald Ford
(played by Jamie Foxx, in an equally confusing casting choice) and
James Brown were the same person.
Harry Potter and the Mystery of James Brown
JB teaches the ways of women to young Master Potter in the final
episode of the series. Potter learns that no amount of sorcery can
match the power of wearing a cape and doing the splits while
screaming. In the end, Hermione runs off with Brown, wearing a thong
and a white furcoat.
3:40 pm • 1 August 2014
Bill Burr (“Ol’ Redface”) on perseverance and becoming an artist. (NSFW). From The Monday Morning Podcast
2:36 pm • 30 July 2014
"When you stop looking at your job to solve all your problems, you’ll stop being disappointed."
— Helena Price. Watch the talk.
5:24 pm • 15 July 2014 • 69 notes
“The apocalypse is not something which is coming. The apocalypse has arrived in major portions of the planet and it’s only because we live within a bubble of incredible privilege and social insulation that we still have the luxury of anticipating the apocalypse.”
— Terence McKenna (via the-warrior-of-sunlight)
(Source: walking-on-the-abyss, via kenyatta)
12:05 am • 10 July 2014 • 584 notes
This is how I teach a graduate seminar. #doodles
9:11 pm • 23 June 2014 • 1 note
Giant marching band party? Uh yes please. (at Brooklyn Public Library)
5:00 pm • 21 June 2014 • 1 note
Look at this happy sheep and evaluate your life please
1:04 pm • 17 June 2014 • 25,855 notes
And then you get on the subway and there’s a guy in a tux playing a cello #friday
10:44 am • 2 May 2014
So much depends upon the red wheelbarrow, driven by the penguin, near the abandoned castle, standing next to the guy with the rocket pants.
12:08 pm • 20 April 2014 • 2 notes